I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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