I must be too annoying 4 u.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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