if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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