feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
