just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just pee around me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
