We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
