Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
