I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
