Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
