I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
