i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
