i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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