in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
