last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
