I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
