Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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