I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
