My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
