Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
