her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
