I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
