return my video game
I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
