Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just cropdusted the office
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
