I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
