The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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