4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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