never play flip cup with pint glasses
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
