I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
