You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
