Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
