Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
