Ketchup is God's man juice
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
