3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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