I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
