More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
