I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
