Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
