True but thats because hes a fetus.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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