woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
