Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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