his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
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Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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