I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
bring money and cleavage
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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