her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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