FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
