I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
