I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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