My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
