He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
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I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
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pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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