hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
