Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
