You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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