dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
