He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
last night I used snow as a chaser
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize