I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
