apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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