dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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