When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
