There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
