When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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