haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
