If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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