Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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