Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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