Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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