Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
