After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
