I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So squirting runs in the family.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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