Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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