i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
