I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
BRING THE BAGELS
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
