just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
