i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
