i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
