Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
