He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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