im drinking this country out of the recession.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
