Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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