Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
