I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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