her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
