Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
